Friday, 14 October 2016

CONFIDENCE: TRUST: HOPE:

CONFIDENCE:
Once all village people decided to pray for rain .On the day of prayer all
People gathered and only one boy came with an umbrella that’s confidence.. ………

TRUST:

Trust should be like the feeling of a one year old baby
When you throw him in the air, he laughs……
Because he knows you will catch him……..

HOPE:
A human being can live for
40 days without water
8 minutes without air
But not even 1 second without hope….

Tuesday, 11 October 2016

Vedic Mathematics

Vedic Mathematics is the name given to the ancient system of Mathematics which was rediscovered from the Vedas between 1911 and 1918 by Sri Bharati Krsna Tirthaji (1884-1960). According to his research all of mathematics is based on sixteen Sutras or word-formulae. For example, ‘Vertically and Crosswise` is one of these Sutras. These formulae describe the way the mind naturally works and are therefore a great help in directing the student to the appropriate method of solution.


Perhaps the most striking feature of the Vedic system is its coherence. Instead of a hotch-potch of unrelated techniques the whole system is beautifully interrelated and unified: the general multiplication method, for example, is easily reversed to allow one-line divisions and the simple squaring method can be reversed to give one-line square roots. And these are all easily understood. This unifying quality is very satisfying, it makes mathematics easy and enjoyable and encourages innovation.
 




In the Vedic system ‘difficult’ problems or huge sums can often be solved immediately by the Vedic method. These striking and beautiful methods are just a part of a complete system of mathematics which is far more systematic than the modern ‘system’. Vedic Mathematics manifests the coherent and unified structure of mathematics and the methods are complementary, direct and easy.




The simplicity of Vedic Mathematics means that calculations can be carried out mentally (though the methods can also be written down). There are many advantages in using a flexible, mental system. Pupils can invent their own methods, they are not limited to the one ‘correct’ method. This leads to more creative, interested and intelligent pupils.




Interest in the Vedic system is growing in education where mathematics teachers are looking for something better and finding the Vedic system is the answer. Research is being carried out in many areas including the effects of learning Vedic Maths on children; developing new, powerful but easy applications of the Vedic Sutras in geometry, calculus, computing etc.




But the real beauty and effectiveness of Vedic Mathematics cannot be fully appreciated without actually practicing the system. One can then see that it is perhaps the most refined and efficient mathematical system possible.


Sunday, 9 October 2016

saying the right thing

Rohit woke up one fine morning with a huge hangover. He forced himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sat down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.

Rohit looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. “Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love You!”

So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Rohit asks, “Son, what happened last night?”

His son says, “Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door”.Totally Confused, Rohit asks, “So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with her!” His son replies, “Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said , “hey !!!!!!! leave me alone! I’m married!”

Moral
Breakfast — Rs. 100.00
Self-induced hangover — Rs. 2000.00
Broken furniture — Rs. 20,000.00
Saying The Right Thing While Drunk – PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, 3 October 2016

Communication Gap

My wife is an ENT Surgeon while as I am a Gynaecologist.

(In fact, we had nearly called our hospital The ‘Holey’ Family hospital but are now waiting for our son to be a Proctologist and marry an urologist.)

This can lead to some complications, as I recently learned to my anguish. A General Practitioner phoned me up and told me that she as sending a patient of hers for an abortion. Unknown to me, she had also referred a female with earwax for removal of the wax to my wife.

I duly informed the receptionist to send the patient right in as she was expected (and expecting!) As Murphy lays down the laws of our hospital, it was but natural that the patient who wanted the wax removed from her ear, landed up with me. This is the conversation that I had with the patient.

“Please come in. Be seated.” I said with a big smile. I always have a big smile, when I am going to earn some money. The patient gave a feeble smile and sat hesitantly on the edge of the chair. “Relax.”

“Doctor, will this hurt a lot?”

“Not at all.”

The patient relaxed visibly. “You know something, Doctor, we tried removing it at home, but failed.”

I was shocked. “Thank God. Trying this at home can cause serious complications.”

“I first tried to remove it by jumping up and down, but it just wouldn’t budge.”

I smiled and said, “If it were that easy, who would need doctors?”

She gave a cute smile and said, “Yeah! My neighbour tried to remove it with his finger, but the hole is so small that he used a hair pin.”

“Oh my God!”

“Yes! My mother even tried a matchstick.”

My blood pressure was shooting skywards. I just sputtered without uttering a word.

“Tell me, doctor, how do I avoid getting this dirt inside me?”

I knew that it was an unwanted pregnancy, but calling it dirt was too much.

I replied a bit angrily, “There are tablets which can prevent this happening. Or you could use protection at night.”

Now it was the patient’s turn to be confused, “You mean to say that it happens only at night?”

I saw her point. “No! No! I meant anytime of the day, whenever you are in the mood, you should use protection.”

She was even more confused, “It depends on my moods?”

Again I saw her point. “My mistake. You need not be in any sort of mood.
It just happens.”

“My neighbour advised me to go to one of those chaps who sit by the roadside.”

“You mean that pin man?”

“Yeah!”

This neighbour of hers seemed to be a very dangerous man. Besides using pins, he was sending her to such quacks. The only safety he knew was among the pins. “You were wise not to heed his advice.”

“But I tried his other advice. He told me to put warm oil inside and wait.
However, that also did not work.”

This was getting more and more bizarre. Her neighbour deserved to be locked up either in a padded cell or a barred one.

“But have you taken your husband’s permission?”

Now the patient looked confused. “Do I have to take my husband’s permission? Because if you need his sign, he is working in Dubai . We were not able to meet for the last one year.”

It was my turn to be shocked. I gave a sly smirk. It was one of ‘those’ cases. The pin-wielding  neighbour seemed to me the usual suspect. I reassured her. “No! No! The husband’s sign is not at all needed.”

“However, I did inform him on phone.”

Her husband seemed to me a very broad-minded fellow. I didn’t know whether to congratulate her or to commiserate with her. So I hastily turned to other aspects. “Its good that you came a bit early.”

“Actually I wanted to come early in the morning, but I had some other work.”

“Oh! I did not mean early today. I meant that if you had delayed this removal, it would have started moving. Then it would have developed a heartbeat.”

The patient was staring at me wide eyed as if watching a horror movie.
Looking at her face, I decided that she was not fit to listen to the grotesque details. I decided to relieve her a bit. I said, “You will bleed a bit, but only for a few days.”

By now, the poor patient was trembling, “how-H-How much bleeding?”

“Oh, only slightly more than your menstrual period, and it will continue only for a week or so.”

By now the patient was clutching her hair in her fingers and staring at me wide-eyed. I asked her soothingly, “Why don’t you lie down on the examination table? Remove your underclothes and relax.”

This was the final straw. She didn’t even wish me goodbye. I saw just a blur of motion leaving my consulting room at top speed.

Kishore Shah 1974

Saturday, 1 October 2016

Hypnotist

It was opening night at the Orpheum theater and the Amazing Eileen was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do her stuff.

As the Amazing Eileen took to the stage, she announced, ”Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.”

The excitement was almost electric as the Amazing Eileen withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from her coat.

”I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It’s a very special watch. Its been in my family for six generations.”

She began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, ”Watch the watch , watch the watch, watch the watch…. ”.

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.

Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist’s fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

”Sh*t” said the hypnotist.

It took three weeks to clean up the theatre. …